This is not a story about how I did something I shouldn’t have because I was tired. In fact, quite the opposite.
I look at myself in the mirror and I see a round chubby face looking back at me. I haven’t done my nails in months. I haven’t properly slept in weeks. I hear you say, “you can sleep when you are dead”. And to an extent, I believe you.
This is my fourth week of having slept a full 5 hours a night. I have two kittens who are 4 months old and still working out their sleeping schedule (kittens are babies too), plus they are a couple of bitches who sleep all day and play most of the night - they make up for that in cuteness and fluffiness. I have a full-time job (a regular 9-5) and I develop stories, write, edit and shoot for my online magazine Juliet Oscar Yankee, as well as working on commissions and contributing to other publications like Love From Berlin and About Time Magazine.
On top of that, I’m supposed to be “taking care of myself” by eating well and exercising x times a week. This is obviously not happening.
The point I’m trying to make is that sleep-deprivation has kind of awaken the fighter in me. Quitting my 9-5 is kind of out of the question, but I could stop creating content for Juliet Oscar Yankee or taking commissions. Ultimately I do this because it’s my only way forward. If I sat here complaining without getting shit done, I wouldn’t be progressing and that’s just not good enough in my world. That being said, I was stuck without a direction for the best part of 2 years. So I guess, it’s all relative.
What sleep-deprivation has taught me is that I can do whatever I want even if I can’t properly open my eyes doing it. And in a way, it’s kind of eye-opening… because you don’t know what you are capable of until you do it. Granted, I rather not feel like I’ve been run over by a herd of cows every-single-day. But there’s something rather interesting in the fact that when I’m most tired, I churn out my best work.
To quote, Ellen Marie Bennett’s (Founder of Hedley & Bennett) favourite saying “Wake Up and Fight”.
Now, hold my coffee while I nap.